The Apple (1980)

July 17th, 2015

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At long last, Andrew forces Chris to watch one of the most notorious musicals of all time, a Cannon Films-produced disco romp set in the dark dystopian future of 1994. While O.J. Simpson flees the police in his white Ford Bronco (off-screen and unmentioned), young musical ingénues Alphie and Bibi (the latter of whom was comically terrible as the girlfriend in The Last Starfighter) are seduced by Mr. Boogalow, the head of pervasive record label BIM, into a life of drugs and casual sex and wild success and fun times. Alphie doesn't go for it, but Bibi takes the bait, and gets an exciting opportunity to meet an actual, actual, actual vampire. Can Alphie pry Bibi from the sensual, glittery arms of BIM superstars Dandi and Pandi? Seriously, if you enjoy bad movies and you haven't seen The Apple, you're in for a treat.

Coming Soon: The Apple (1980)

July 10th, 2015

Stroker Ace (1983)

July 3rd, 2015

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We unironically love Smokey and the Bandit and Cannonball Run, so you might think we'd be really enthusiastic about watching any movie directed by former stuntman Hal Needham and starring moustache-enthusiast and one-time box office superstar Burt Reynolds. Well, there are a couple problems with that theory. Firstly, it's only been about half a year since we sat through another Hal Needham flick called Rad, and we haven't fully healed. Secondly, this movie is about NASCAR, and -- surprise! -- that's not really our thing. Thirdly, Burt Reynolds himself cites this film has "the one where I lost them". That doesn't sound good. Burt's love interest is played by Loni Anderson, who he later married; in this film, he contemplates sexually assaulting her while she sleeps. That doesn't sound great either. And instead of Dom DeLuise, Burt's sidekick is Gomer Pyle. Oooooh boy. This one's gonna be tough.

Coming Soon: Stroker Ace (1983)

June 26th, 2015

Howling 2: Your Sister Is a Werewolf (1985)

June 19th, 2015

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This is not the worst movie we've ever seen, but it just might be the stupidest. Are we really supposed to believe that antagonist Stirba (played by Battle Beyond the Stars star Sybil Danning) is 10,000 years old -- putting her birth date somewhere near the end of the Stone Age? If monster hunter Christopher Lee is her brother, as a late-movie twist briefly reveals, then does that mean he's thousands of years old too? Why is it so important to kill Stirba, when all she seems to want to do is have werewolf orgies? Why do those orgies seem to be basically sexless and take days? Why do the protagonists go from being bland acquaintances to lovers in the span of an afternoon, and why is a Transylvanian village of nothing but werewolves just allowing them to hang around uneaten? Not a single scene in this movie makes any damn sense, and it is fantastic. Strongly recommend.

Coming Soon: Howling 2:: Your Sister Is a Werewolf (1985)

June 12th, 2015

Nighthawks (1981)

June 5th, 2015

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Sylvester Stallone (Rhinestone) and Rutger Hauer (Blind Fury) star in this adaptation of the beloved Edward Hopper oil painting (not really) that was originally intended to be the third Popeye Doyle movie (that one's true). Stallone plays a decoy cop, dressing up like a lady to lure New York's ever-present muggers, until he and partner Billy Dee Williams are recruited to track down Wulfgar (Hauer), a terrorist based on Carlos the Jackal. But this time, to get the bad guy...he just might have to dress up like a lady. This is Stallone near the height of his popularity and Hauer's first American role, so the burning question is: how have we never heard of this movie? Is it just that terrible? Let's find out together, brave listener.

Coming Soon: Nighthawks (1981)

May 29th, 2015

The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)

May 22nd, 2015

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It was only a matter of time before Eddie Murphy became the subject of our podcast. His peak was so high that people still basically respect him, even though he's spent the last twenty years starring in dreck like Norbit and Meet Dave, always, inexplicably, playing multiple characters. Here he co-stars with our favorite pussycat Rosario Dawson and Freaked star Randy Quaid, and a whole lot of other people who would prefer you forget they were in this. But is it schlock? Tune in to find out, true believers.

Coming Soon: The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)

May 15th, 2015