Project London (2013)

December 3rd, 2015

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Have you ever wondered what it would be like to watch a science fiction film made almost entirely by volunteers with almost no budget? … me either. Yet in this week's webipod we bring you Project London!… and no before you ask it doesn't take place in London but rather the super future of Seattle! But wait there's more! It stars no one you know or have ever heard of or likely ever will and was recommended to us by friend of the show Tyler simply because he has a cameo in it… and has never bothered to watch it… (Frankly if you're still reading and have any interest in listening to this episode you're showing a level of dedication to this podcast that frightens me) So join us dear listeners as we tear a new one into some poor bastards life long dream of creating a piece of auteur cinema.

p.s. We feel bad about this one… we really do.

Coming Soon: Project London (2013)

November 27th, 2015

Starcrash (1978)

November 20th, 2015

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Before Turkey brought us Turkish Star Wars and America produced Battle Beyond the [Turkish] Star[ War]s, the Italians took a stab at the space opera genre (or, the blatant ripoff genre, if we're being completely honest). Hammer Horror alum Caroline Munro stars as Stella Star, whose name literally means Star Star. She's kind of a female Han Solo, but instead of a big hairy monster, her sidekick kind of looks like the Greatest American Hero. Also, for reasons never explained, her sidekick can do literally anything, to the point that it's not clear why Stella Star is putting in any effort at all. Just have your sidekick wave his hand and fix everything, Stella. David Hasselhoff and Christopher Plummer are in this movie too, by the way, and that's definitely interesting, but can we get back to this all-powerful sidekick? He can bring people back to life. And what's with his hair? Why is he hanging out with a space smuggler? We're so confused right now.

Coming Soon: Starcrash (1978)

November 13th, 2015

The Happening (2008)

November 6th, 2015

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Renowned thespian Mark Wahlberg once said of The Happening, "It was a really bad movie... Fuck it. It is what it is. Fucking trees, man. The plants. Fuck it." Portentously, some time earlier Wahlberg famously intoned: "Yo. I need money." Sure, Marky Mark, we all do. And we've all, at some dark point in our lives, considered taking a starring role in an M. Night Shyamalan film. But you know what we do? We pour ourselves a stiff drink, we have a good cry, and then we get up the next morning and don't star in a movie by the guy who made Lady in the Water, because it gets better. Sadly, not everyone is so strong, which is why we're now watching a movie in which Mark Wahlberg furrows his brow and tries to reason with a potted plant.

Coming Soon: The Happening (2008)

October 30th, 2015

From Justin To Kelly (2003)

October 23rd, 2015

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American Idol -- now in its last season after fifteen years of slow, inexorable decline -- was kind of a big deal in its first season. The winner that year was Kelly Clarkson, arguably the only American Idol contestant to achieve lasting non-niche success in the music industry (sorry, William Hung). As a reward, she and runner-up/Sideshow Bob lookalike Justin Guarini landed starring roles in what the Razzies would later declare the "worst musical in our first 25 years". Although Clarkson recently confirmed rumors that she had once denied -- that she and Guarini were, in fact, locked in the throes of white-hot passion at the time -- you don't see any of that raw sexual attraction on the screen. If anything, the leads seem bored with each other and this entire process. Oh, and by the way it's a musical about text messaging, because that's what all you kids are into. This film is the purest representation you'll find of what middle-aged white guys think teenagers wanted in the early 2000s.

Coming Soon: From Justin To Kelly (2003)

October 16th, 2015

Megaforce (1982)

October 9th, 2015

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How is it possible that a movie featuring a team of commandos on motorbikes equipped with laser guns didn't completely dominate our culture in the early 80s? Looking back to that era, it's sometimes hard to explain why some entertainment was able to worm its way into our collective unconscious, while others became forgotten relics. Was it a terrible idea to cast Barry Bostwick as a charismatic action star? No, that's a pretty good idea. Was it a bad call to hire former stuntman Hal Needham to helm the thing? Probably not -- he's fresh off Cannonball Run (one of our favorite movies!) and he still hasn't spawned previous webipod subjects Stroker Ace or Rad, so nobody knows that he's terrible yet. And you can't fault the marketing -- we were inspired to add this movie to the list because of its persistent, quite frankly awesome full-page ads in comic books. Is it possible that children thirty-plus years ago had some sense of taste, and could tell a low-quality pander when they saw it? That conclusion is hard to defend. For whatever reason, Megaforce is the rare crap-aimed-at-children that didn't catch on. To find out why, listen to us ramble for an hour and change.

Coming Soon: Megaforce (1982)

October 2nd, 2015