Martial Arts Month Part Two

February 13th, 2015

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We've seen two excellent martial arts movies, but we won't be experts on the genre until we sit through two terrible ones. That's called science. First up is The Last Dragon, a Taimak vehicle starring Vanity at the very start of her crack-fueled slide into obscurity and, in a serendipitous callback to Blaxploitation Month Part Two, Bucky from Disco Godfather. Then we'll close out Martial Arts Month with American Commando Ninja, starring nobody, but featuring the very loudest late-80s fashions ever worn by ninjas.

Coming Soon: Martial Arts Month Part Two

February 6th, 2015

Martial Arts Month Part One

January 30th, 2015

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If you're a Search for Schlock superfan, you still refer to December 2012 as Blaxploitation Month. Well, get ready for its Far East counterpart! We're starting with two classics of the genre, beloved by its enthusiasts. First up is The 36th Chamber of Shaolin, a movie that's 95% training montage, 5% dialogue to be sampled by the Wu-Tang Clan at a later date. We'll follow that up with Come Drink With Me, a wuxia film about a badass dart-throwing woman on a mission to save her brother from kidnappers. Yes, these movies are very good, and yes, our punishment in Martial Arts Month Part Two will be grave indeed.

Coming Soon: Martial Arts Month Part One

January 23rd, 2015

Blind Fury (1989)

January 16th, 2015

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Somewhere on the long road from Roy Batty in Blade Runner to Lothos in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie -- and beyond! -- Dutch superstar Rutger Hauer starred in an American remake of the seventeenth film in a Japanese series about a mid-19th century, blind blademaster named Zatoichi. Of course, in the American version, he's a late-20th century blind Vietnam vet who learned swordsmanship from some Vietnamese villagers who were not only great at swords, but very eager to pass those skills along to the first blind white dude they came across. If you have a problem with that premise, you shouldn't be watching post-Ladyhawke Rutger Hauer movies. (The screenwriter also brought us Gymkata.)

Coming Soon: Blind Fury (1989)

January 9th, 2015

Destiny Turns on the Radio (1995)

January 2nd, 2015

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We're always harping on about how much we love Quentin Tarantino like he's God's gift or whatever, so we thought it would be a good idea to watch the movie that represents the nadir of Tarantino-fatigue. You couldn't escape the fast-talking prominent-chin-having goofball's frequent interviews in the months after Pulp Fiction, and then suddenly he's playing a character named "Johnny Destiny" in this -- one of the all-too-many Pulp Ficiton clones that were popping up left and right back then -- plus he did Four Rooms which kind of sucked, and as a people we agreed to just ignore him and hope he would go away. (He did not, and we came around.) Long story short, now we have to watch a shitty Pulp Fiction clone, but hey, at least it prominently features the director of Pulp Fiction, unlike some 1995 films. I'm looking at you, 2 Days in the Valley.

Coming Soon: Destiny Turns on the Radio (1995)

December 26th, 2014

Southern Comfort (1981)

December 19th, 2014

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We're going into this one blind; it made the list only because it was one of those movies that left a hazy impression on Chris at a young age, and he never got to see the ending. We're familiar with much of the cast and crew: it's directed by Walter Hill who brought us Crossroads (not the one with Britney Spears), and it features Fred Ward from Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins and Lewis Smith from The Heavenly Kid, giving it a Search For Schlock Score of at least 3 and strongly suggesting that we've seen too many movies. In any case, there's reason to be cautiously optimistic. It's Deliverance in the bayou, y'all! So, just with a lot of people talking about how much they love gumbo.

Coming Soon: Southern Comfort (1981)

December 12th, 2014