Coming Soon: Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001)

September 19th, 2014

Dondi (1961)

September 12th, 2014

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Based on a comic strip that was published for three decades but that you've somehow never heard of, Dondi is the story of an adorable orphan boy (David Kory, a child actor so bad that nobody even seems to have done a 'where are they now' piece on him) who gets adopted by a philandering American G.I. (world-weary Fugitive star David Janssen, looking miserable as ever in this upbeat role). There's a federal law that all descriptions of this movie must contain the word "saccharine", so there you go, feds. This movie was brought to our attention by the very hit-or-miss Fifty Worst Films of All Time, and in our opinion at least, they got this one right -- it may well have unseated the abysmal Guyver: Dark Hero as Worst Piece of Crap We've Ever Sat Through for This.

Coming Soon: Dondi (1961)

September 5th, 2014

Left Behind: The Movie (2000)

August 29th, 2014

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We met up before recording this one and agreed that we wouldn't let it devolve into an overlong assessment of our own religious beliefs. Then, we drank a lot. Guess what happened next! In other words, if you're not a fan of drunken navel-gazing, feel free to skip this week. If that kind of thing is exactly your cup o' tea, then you've got a magnificent eighty or so minutes in front of you. We're really sorry about this, but in our defense we had to talk about something, and there's not much to say about teen-idol-turned-demagogue Kirk Cameron's bland performance in this boring adaptation, which we guarantee would be an even bigger waste of your time than listening to us blather on. So we've got that going for us.

Coming Soon: Left Behind:: The Movie (2000)

August 22nd, 2014

Freaked (1993)

August 15th, 2014

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With a box office budget of less than $30,000 against an estimated budget of 12 million, Freaked is not what you would call a commercial success -- but don't let that fool you. You know how, in movies about Hollywood, the protagonist has a quirky project that a studio exec is really excited about, but then the studio exec gets fired and the movie gets shelved by their replacement? Well this is one of those. Featuring an all-people-you-sort-of-recognize cast (including Bill S. Preston, Esq., Blossom's brother, and Hollywood Star-Whacker target Randy Quaid in his best role), Freaked is surprisingly hilarious from start to finish. We should take listener requests more often.

Coming Soon: Freaked (1993)

August 8th, 2014

Demon Knight (1995)

August 1st, 2014

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There's an a lot of interesting history to the somewhat-unsuccessful attempt to make HBO anthology Tales from the Crypt into a film series. As the first part of a planned trilogy of Crypt Keeper-introduced horror movies, Demon Knight was actually written before the Crypt show existed, and thus lacks the series's usual signature dark karmic ending. What it does have, though, is a lot of gore, chuckles, exposed bosoms, and a winning performance by Billy Zane as a fun-loving demon intent on killing everyone and literally raising hell. Don't forget to stay after the credits for the Crypt Keeper's pun-tastic epilogue.

Coming Soon: Demon Knight (1995)

July 25th, 2014

Captain America (1990)

July 18th, 2014

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Join us on a voyage to the distant past of 1990, when any movie based on a Marvel Comics franchise was guaranteed to be one of the worst pieces of crap ever. Following closely on the heels of Howard the Duck and The Punisher (not the good one) comes a film introducing World War II hero Captain America (also not the good one). Unlike the Steve Rogers to whom you've grown accustomed, this Cap is a whiny loser with a cheap plastic shield who gets consistently stymied by a small gang of young, fashionable Italian models. Directed by Brain Smasher director Albert Pyun and produced by the infamous Menahem Golan, this movie is a perfect storm of cinematic badness that will swell your heart with American pride.