Aloha Summer (1988)

October 11th, 2013

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Based solely on our love of The Bad Guy from Karate Kid Part II's excellent Hawaiian-style diner, we selected this film, the poster of which is featured prominently on the aforementioned diner's wall. So it's a bit of an unknown quantity from the outset. But there's a lot to recommend this film, including a surprisingly affecting performance by martial arts star Sho Kosugi, an unsurprisingly hot performance by 21-year-old Hawaii native Tia Carrere, and a perhaps inevitably homoerotic performance by My Bodyguard star Chris Makepeace. So, maybe it won't suck?

Coming Soon: Aloha Summer (1988)

October 4th, 2013

National Lampoon's Pledge This! (2006)

September 27th, 2013

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Why, why, why, WHY?!!? Ahem. Here's a film with absolutely no redeeming qualities, at all. As of this writing, IMDB ranks it as the second-worst film of all time, just after Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2. Paris Hilton languidly says her then-catchphrase ("Hot."), whether or not it makes sense in context; inexplicable Christina Hendricks spouse Geoffrey Arend plays three or four roles, but that's not always entirely clear, since one of his characters tends to do kooky accents and pretend to be other people. We're joined by friend of the show Mark, who last sat with us for A Talking Cat!?!, so we know he can handle himself in this kind of situation.

Coming Soon: National Lampoon's Pledge This! (2006)

September 20th, 2013

Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins... (1985)

September 13th, 2013

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Nostalgia is a fickle mistress. She's great to you, but terrible to your friends that you force her onto. And so it is when Chris forces us to watch Remo Williams, a notorious piece of crap that he watched too many times on Cinemax as a child, and now thinks is good. Don't be fooled; it is not good. From its supremely franchise-confident title to its casual racism, Remo Williams is a piece of garbage that only a small child could enjoy, over and over again, on a VHS that his dad used to tape it off cable. If you're not a small child in that exact scenario...you have been warned.

Coming Soon: Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins... (1985)

September 6th, 2013

Unico in the Island of Magic (1983)

August 30th, 2013

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An adorable, childlike unicorn-thing, his memories erased by jealous gods, finds himself embroiled in a desperate fight against a living puppet who seeks revenge on all humanity. At times playful, maudlin, psychedelic, and surprisingly violent, Unico left a strong impression on the youths of the 80s who watched it on the Disney channel, even if they were too young to remember the title or the plot. And unlike contemporary American cartoons, you can't count on an unambiguously happy ending, so bring your tissues.

Coming Soon: Unico in the Island of Magic (1983)

August 23rd, 2013

Ninja Terminator (1985)

August 16th, 2013

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White guy ninja Richard Harrison wants to assemble the three pieces of the Golden Ninja Statue that grants its wielder invincibility, so that he can fight the Evil Ninja Empire. To that end, he makes frequent phone calls to Jaguar Wong, a Chinese man in a completely different, much more competently-made kung fu movie. Such is the genius cost-saving style of Z-movie auteur Godfrey Ho, whose modus operandi was to cut redubbed bits and pieces from a bunch of movies, add some of his own inept footage, and call it a terrible, terrible day. Ho even cut up and reused a bunch of his own work, turning what was supposed to be a few Richard Harrison films into a dozen, and effectively killing that actor's career. Godfrey Ho is an essential part of any schlock cinema education, and we certainly feel like we've learned our lesson.

Coming Soon: Ninja Terminator (1985)

August 9th, 2013