Coming Soon: National Lampoon's Pledge This! (2006)

September 20th, 2013

Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins... (1985)

September 13th, 2013

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Nostalgia is a fickle mistress. She's great to you, but terrible to your friends that you force her onto. And so it is when Chris forces us to watch Remo Williams, a notorious piece of crap that he watched too many times on Cinemax as a child, and now thinks is good. Don't be fooled; it is not good. From its supremely franchise-confident title to its casual racism, Remo Williams is a piece of garbage that only a small child could enjoy, over and over again, on a VHS that his dad used to tape it off cable. If you're not a small child in that exact have been warned.

Coming Soon: Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins... (1985)

September 6th, 2013

Unico in the Island of Magic (1983)

August 30th, 2013

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An adorable, childlike unicorn-thing, his memories erased by jealous gods, finds himself embroiled in a desperate fight against a living puppet who seeks revenge on all humanity. At times playful, maudlin, psychedelic, and surprisingly violent, Unico left a strong impression on the youths of the 80s who watched it on the Disney channel, even if they were too young to remember the title or the plot. And unlike contemporary American cartoons, you can't count on an unambiguously happy ending, so bring your tissues.

Coming Soon: Unico in the Island of Magic (1983)

August 23rd, 2013

Ninja Terminator (1985)

August 16th, 2013

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White guy ninja Richard Harrison wants to assemble the three pieces of the Golden Ninja Statue that grants its wielder invincibility, so that he can fight the Evil Ninja Empire. To that end, he makes frequent phone calls to Jaguar Wong, a Chinese man in a completely different, much more competently-made kung fu movie. Such is the genius cost-saving style of Z-movie auteur Godfrey Ho, whose modus operandi was to cut redubbed bits and pieces from a bunch of movies, add some of his own inept footage, and call it a terrible, terrible day. Ho even cut up and reused a bunch of his own work, turning what was supposed to be a few Richard Harrison films into a dozen, and effectively killing that actor's career. Godfrey Ho is an essential part of any schlock cinema education, and we certainly feel like we've learned our lesson.

Coming Soon: Ninja Terminator (1985)

August 9th, 2013

R.O.T.O.R. (1988)

August 2nd, 2013

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Buff rancher/police roboticist/sometimes-vigilante Dr. Coldyron invents a slow-moving police robot that looks just like a slow-moving police human, right down to its robot moustache. Unfortunately, the molecular memory in the unknown alloy of its chassis has allowed it to reprogram its brain matrix, so it goes nuts. While R.O.T.O.R. futilely tries to reach into cars and grab an always-just-out-of-reach skinny woman (truly the most dangerous game), Coldyron teams up with alloy inventor/female bodybuilder Dr. Steel. We haven't seen this much science gibberish used to describe a fundamentally unscary monster since Blackenstein.

Coming Soon: R.O.T.O.R. (1988)

July 26th, 2013

Josie and the Pussycats (2001)

July 19th, 2013

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Like the unerring ebb and flow of the tide, the Omegahedron follows a torturous crapfest with a movie that actually has merit. Sure, it's a live-action adaptation of an outdated cartoon that itself was an adaptation of a comic book, but it's also a commentary on consumerism and the choke-hold it has on America's youth. All that, plus a trio of attractive young women in a series of skimpy outfits and ever-present nekomimi? Truly we have suffered greatly to deserve such good fortune.